It Is Hard Being An INFP

Dreaming. Living. Loving.

It Is Hard Being An INFP

Okay.

It is hard being an INFP (Check out the Myer-Briggs Personality Test if these four letters mean as much to you as leaves at the bottom of a teacup).

I mean REALLY hard.

Every day I feel like I am actually an alien masquerading as a human.

INFPs should live and be nurtured in a magical, ethereal land (see above image) where dreamers are appreciated, not trapped in the bell jar of reality. It may be fine for other people but it suffocates our souls.

Gah. It’s so hard to explain the torment. It’s like you’re on an entirely different wavelength from everyone else around you. And I don’t mean INFPs on are on a more intellectually or morally superior level. No, we’re just different from the norm. A little unconventional. And we know how much society hates that, don’t we?

When other people chase after money, INFPs look…

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On Digong and Sexism

Noong dumalaw si Hon. Rody Digong Duterte dito sa aming unibersidad, UPLB, sa gitna ng kanyang pagsasalita ay nasambit nya ang mga salitang ito:

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Nakakainis isipin na iilang tao lang ang pumuna sa pahayag na ito. Ang ilan pa sa kanyang mga fantards ay nakuha pang tawanan at ituring itong isang biro. !@#$%^&! Mas naging viral pa yung tanong ni Stephen Villena na tinatawag nilang bastos at walang modo. Ngunit heto ang kanilang kandidato na mas bastos at walang modo. Bakit ako galit? Bakit ako naiinis?

Babae ako at araw-araw nararanasan ng lahat ng babae sa buong mundo ang pangbabastos at pang-aabuso, pisikal man o sa salita. Sige pinapapatay niya yung mga rapists pero para po sa pagkakaalam ng lahat VERBAL ABUSE IS SEXUAL ABUSE! At yun ang ginagawa mo, Honorable Rody Duterte, sa lahat ng kababaihan sa buong Pilipinas tuwing magbibitaw ka ng ganyang mga salita.

I was sexually harassed (verbally) by my colleagues on high school for more than 3 years, hindi niyo alam yung takot, yung anxiety, yung depression, yung kahihiyan na naramdaman ko, na nararamdaman ng babae kapag sinasabihan niyo kami ng mga malalaswang bagay. Nakakatakot. Nakaka-degrade. Pakiramdam mo wala kang kwenta, na ang dumi-dumi mo kahit hindi naman talaga. Yung feeling na you’re a worhless piece of trash! Yung “sana naging lalaki nalang ako” o “bakit pa kase ako nabuhay”.@#$%^&! WOMEN DON’T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT!

 

Ano nanaman isasagot niyo? “Nagbibiro lang naman sya”? Kelan pa nging biro ang pang aabuso sa mga kababaihan? “Nagpapaka totoo ka lang”? O sige, nagpapakatotoo ka na ano, na wala kang pakialam sa mga kababaihan? Na naniniwala ka na women are just objects? O kaya naman ay dadagdagan mo lang yung napaka habang listahan ng degading statements mo women?  Borrowing your words po, Honorable Rody Duterte, “P***** I**”!

Isa kang public figure. Madaming sumusuporta sayo. Madaming tumitingala sayo at madaming (aminin na natin) sumasamba sayo, na kulang nalang ay halikan ang paa mo. At nakakatakot dahil ikaw na kanilang modelo ay kayang walang hiyain ang mga babae, PROUD KA PA! Anong implications nun? Na okay lang gawin yun? Na okay lang kaming hamakin, abusuhin at walang hiyain? Paano kami (mga babae) makakasiguro na may puwang kami sa aming bansa kung ang mismong namumuno nito (kung manalo man sya) ay tinuturing lang kaming sexual objects?.

I’m not convincing anyone not to vote for him, but. Do what you want. I just raised an issue. Let’s all be critical.And to all  Duterte extremists, bring the death threats on. I’m not scared.

Are we still a conservative nation?

“In fact, we are a nation of hypocrites, not a nation of conservatives.”

Guien's Panorama

Yesterday, July 10, the Pinoy interwebs was almost broken by a scandal. Not a political one, but a sex video scandal. Making matters worse, [unverified] online reports suggest that the person who was in the video was a 12 year-old.

This morning, a local radio commentator here in our province discussed the potential connection of social media and the sudden death of teen artist Julie Buencamino. The commentary started with a premise which seems to be off from the showbiz rumor mill, so much so that it did not make sense to me. The commentator then went on to how social media is affecting the lives of young people. She goes on to say [non-verbatim, translated from Iluko]:

In fact, I am starting to loathe and condemn Facebook because it seems to glorify same sex relationships. I am against same sex marriage. Tell whatever you want, but the Philippines is…

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My First Concert Ever: Feels, feels, and more feels

DISCLAIMER: This is not a fan account, just pure concert feels. And the photo is not mine. Photo Credit to Arnel Gonzales.

 

Last night, December 7, 2014, was one of the best and most important night in my entire life. It was the night when 방탄소년단 (BTS), my babies, performed LIVE in front of me. It was 2014 BTS Live Trilogy in Manila Episode II: The Red Bullet –their first concert overseas and the first concert that I have ever attended. Yep, we’re soulmates, right?

It is every fangirl’s dream to meet their favorite celebrities and I never thought that mine would come true this fast. To be honest, I still can’t believe that I saw them in flesh, directly with my own eyes, last night. I still can’t grasp that I heard them sing my favorite songs without any media other than the sound system. I still can’t comprehend that I just sang and danced WITH THEM. Up until now, I am still in the middle of asking, “Did last night really happen, or was all just a dream”, because everything seemed so perfect and majestic and awesome and too good to be true.

Watching them through my laptop and watching them live is so different.  On-stage, they’re all just a big ball of energy, passion, talent, and art, rolled into one. More than realizing how handsome they really are, it is witnessing how excellent and passionate they are while doing what they do best was the real highlight of the night, for me. Their genuine smiles while they took in the crowds support and love for them, as we sing with them in almost every song, was priceless.  For all these moments, all I could think was, “this is why I’m an ARMY, this is what I signed up for.” I have never been so proud.

I am happy that Bangtan has a very supportive and lovely fandom. Despite the chaos in the airport, unsuccessful projects, and booming numbers of jeje fans, I still think that our fandom is beautiful and I know that we will still improve in the future. Looking at the photos of the yellow ocean last night and remembering the consistent energy of almost everyone during the concert, I know that Bangtan is blessed with such wonderful supporters. I am glad that I’m in that ocean and I am planning to stay in that wonderful ocean until the next episodes.

Just like everyone, I never wanted that night to end. It felt like the shortest two-hours of my life. Unfortunately, everything has to end. I can never choose the right words to express how I felt after the concert. It was like all the emotions I could ever muster was bursting all at the same time and all I could do was to sit and stare into nothingness. I wanted to climb up to the stage and run after them. I wanted to scream and shout and keep dancing like there’s no tomorrow. I wanted to cry like a baby and demand for them to come back. I want to replay everything over and over and make that night my reality, forever. I want to move on and forget everything so I could also achieve something.

I don’t  even know how to end this entry. HAHA. I am still dazed about everything. As of now, what I really want is to see them again; and I am planning to, I hope to. They promised that they will comeback, so I’ll just pray that that promise will come true and that I’ll be able to witness it, again. So I’ll just end this with “‘Til next time Bangtan”. Talk about the lamest ending, ever.

 

This was written on December 8, 2014.

Worst Friend Ever

I am such a horrible person. These past few days, life constantly taught me lessons on relationships, and I can’t help but think how crappy I relate to everyone.

Most of my friends say that I’m the kind-one in the group, or the “goody good girl”. Maybe because rarely disagree with them, never takes side, and rarely get angry. But really, I am one of the worst friends out there.

I rarely get angry, but when my patience reach its limits, I just hope that I would just explode and shout at my friend (whoever friend that caused my rage) like normal people do; but I’m just not that type. I’m the worse type. When my tolerance to a person dries up, all I do is just give up on that person and stop being friends with him/ her in my heart. Then, I would just slowly drift away  without them realizing, and the next thing we know is that we are back to being acquaintances. And just like that, I lose a friend.

I can’t remember the number of times I’ve done that — maybe twice or thrice.

Last week, something came up and I was thinking of doing it again to another close friend of mine. I was thinking about it for a couple of days but then, as I was going through my devotion, I came across this verse from 2 Timothy chapter 2: “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.”

And after that, I reflected and I was just reminded of how difficult of a person I am and how God never gives up on me even if I have hurt him over and over again. So I thought, if God never left me even if what I do is so much more annoying and more painful for him, yet put up with me ever since I became human; then what right do I have to give up on people just because they did something wrong or hurt me a couple of times.

Well of course I still have to work on relating with my friends properly and learn to deal with conflicts rather than avoiding it to the point of throwing away the relationship. It sounds tough, I have no idea how to do it, but I know, by faith, I can.